Billy Miller

sponsoredby The Kings Gardeners MinistriesSpokane Valley, Washington .

FORGIVENESS and RECONCILIATION for SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Forgiveness is one key to a successful marriage. There is far too little of this biblical approach in relationships, but particularly in marriage. Things that were overlooked in the dating/courtship stage before the wedding, become major irritants. Other issues come into play on a daily basis that are not experienced during dating.

Where to squeeze the toothpaste? Roll the tissue over the top or under the bottom? Who picks up discarded clothing? Whose message goes on the answer machine? Who waits for the bath water to heat up for whomever comes second? In the morning, does he shave first or does she put on her makeup? All of these are insignificant, until 6 to 12 months have come and gone. Then look out! Suddenly they are the major issues, and without solution for those who have not learned to communicate successfully. Pouting and silence start, and door-slamming, to express anger, frustration, and disappointment, and no one wins anything.

It's time to make-up, to work through the problem, but this can be delayed if one or the other is not mature. The honeymoon is over. Reality has set in, as both begin to realize that they have not married the perfect mate. (Hint: there aren't any.)

No one plans to have troubles in their marriage, but they are inevitable. You can't put same-sex twins in the same room for very long without problems. People have different natures. Total agreement is not possible, and not necessary. We are different by Godly design.

Enter Forgiveness. God's way of dealing with "transgressions".

Enter Reconciliation, too, a second key to a ssuccessful marriage.

These are part A and B of what works to restore relationships. It is the plan that God has used for mankind to be in right relationship with Him. One part is not complete without the other.

Forgiveness is the act of marking "Paid in full" for wrongs done, just as God did in Jesus on the cross. To hold another accountable when God has already paid the full price, is to demand more than God does. "God, you paid all, but I'm going to make him/her pay more." It won't work that way.

In reconciliation, hostility is removed, friendship is restored, fellowship returns, and the relationship with another person is brought back to where it was before the negative interruption. This is God's way to work on broken marriages.

No one gets married planning a divorce, and no one should do one, ever. No one buys an automobile that won't crank and run 73% of the time, but people will enter a second "marriage", after a divorce, that has a 73% failure rate. It jumps to 84% for third "marriages". That's tough odds to overcome, and most don't overcome them. Another divorce follows.

Love and marriage are "giving" relationships, and both parties will need to be givers of "forgiveness" for reconciliation to occur. We should enter marriage with a "give list". Those entering with a "want list" can plan on big problems, because they are expecting their mate to be the "giver", and them be the "taker".

God's way is for both to be givers. 1) Do love to one another. 2) Be kind, tender-hearted, forgiving. 3) Do to others what you want them doing to you. Do all of these and more in marriage. Make your mate your best friend, your confidant, not someone at the office where you work. Work it out with your mate, not the "listening ear" at the job. It isn't smart to share private intimacies with anyone except the one you married.

Trouble awaits those who listen to and follow the advice of anyone saying, "You don't have to put up with that" or "You know what you ought to do." Love endures all things, and only YOU can know what you ought to do. If you don't, please know that advice-givers certainly don't. They don't even know how to mind their own business.

Find an older Godly couple who have stuck together through the difficult times, and listen to them. The best "marriage glue" is made by sticking together in the tough times. (It's called "keeping your word', your promise.) They will be able to talk with authority about those times that come when you don't even like each other, though married. Actually, it's their ways you don't like, not them, and learn to separate the two in order to arrive at solutions to problems.

Some problems can be worked out now, some later, and others may never be, but it isn't the end of the world. This is someone that you chose to love and live with, not dump when the tough times arrive, and they do.

Leave? Divorce? Don't let these thoughts enter your mind or they will enter your heart and take root, ending with actions that you will one day regret. Take the high road, the loving road, the Godly road, "tough it out". As you "Forgive and forget"? No. "Forgive and remember no more." If it comes up, I'm not going to remember it. It won't do either one of us any good.

Forgive and reconcile. It's the true road to happiness.


Billy Miller
RECONCILIATION!
"I do" is for a LIFETIME.
I said "I do" and I STILL DO.

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